simplicity

simplicity is hard to wrap my multi-tasking head around the complex world technology art culture music is all so intricate. single-faceted things beings tableauxs blow my MIND i try to understand their innocence as i rush through my button-pushing life with long fingers and numb noses.

i think i'd rather be a [pristine] simpleton.

let us go buy bread for our life savings and be happy even when we're broke because i have my bread and it has me [so simple].

to my best friend

touch the soft place on my neck [all over] caress my brain teach me which colors are in your eye [i'll stare at it forever] tell me no lies [even if it hurts me] love me enough to let me go [and then search for me until time ends] but [and] i'll never leave you.

[in]complete randomness

no-eared goats. my phone is like a rave in my pocket. i believe in love at third [or fourth or fifth] sight. long aperture times make shakey people. standing tiptoe in the bathroom. in the dark. drunken interruptions. barbed-wire ripped jeans metamorphized into scenester shorts.

[what??????]

karma

a woman in a black car. speeding, aiming to pass me on my right. boxed. i am terrifed she will cause an accident.

her recklessness is answered by karma [or god?]. a mile ahead black rubber streams from the sky.

she: in the emergency lane. a flat tire.

i chuckle. [am i mean?]

a huddle of pink chiffon and updo's. pulled over limo. popped hood.

i snicker. [am i mean?]

[when will i get mine?]

vanity/humility

i sit here naked in front of my vanity. with my vanity. please pay attention?

the infinite struggle between my humility and my arrogance, between my youth and my present drains me.

ugly child. hideous. my childhood had been raped at a young age. i didn't know that there could have been something better. i didn't know better.

i blossomed, yes, into a beauty. or did i? the little girl inside me screamed "i'm ugly! there's no way that WE can be pretty. never!"

my adult screams back "grow up, you little brat!"

but to be verbally pretty - to tell others - is that something to be ashamed of? is it arrogance, really, or is it merely the truth? shall i remain humble and lie when i have vowed honesty?

a constant struggle. between what is the truth and what is the opinion.

i am beautiful.

creative... block?

painting shows me my soul on canvas agony escape hunger love care worry sorrow longing all come out. stress is shown through burning holes of brush strokes.

my release: a symphony of beaks. i wish to catch them all in a net - a big brown balloon.

i am one! caught and used for my magnificent song. but the one who has caught me i've allowed to use me. i would let that one cut my beautiful wings off and drain the blood from my veins. happy?

love makes me unoriginal. pressure frustration horror pain DRIVE my creativity.

my catch 22 at age 20: i am in love with my creativity.