vanity/humility

i sit here naked in front of my vanity. with my vanity. please pay attention?

the infinite struggle between my humility and my arrogance, between my youth and my present drains me.

ugly child. hideous. my childhood had been raped at a young age. i didn't know that there could have been something better. i didn't know better.

i blossomed, yes, into a beauty. or did i? the little girl inside me screamed "i'm ugly! there's no way that WE can be pretty. never!"

my adult screams back "grow up, you little brat!"

but to be verbally pretty - to tell others - is that something to be ashamed of? is it arrogance, really, or is it merely the truth? shall i remain humble and lie when i have vowed honesty?

a constant struggle. between what is the truth and what is the opinion.

i am beautiful.